Adoptive Parents Address Awkward Questions People Ask

 Bound4LIFE: Are you sensing that Zoe is going to enjoy being a big sister? 

Nikki: We sure hope so! She’s pretty nurturing; one of the ladies in the nursery told me, “Zoe is so sweet, she always keeps the nursing moms company. When my newborn was crying, she offered him her pacifier.”

I think Zoe may have a hard time sharing me and not always being the center of attention, but I’m sure she’ll adjust.

As I’m going through this pregnancy, when I’m exhausted or in pain, often I think of Zoe’s birth mom. We’ve had so much support, yet she faced very different emotions through her nine months of pregnancy.

It inspires me to pray for her, and for all birth mothers who courageously give life—the most amazing gift to an adoptive family.

Bound4LIFE: For Christians who desire to support adoption, what are some practical steps they can take?

Erik: If someone is really interested in supporting adoption, learning more is step one. One book, Adopted for Life, gives practical biblical insights—an overview of what adoption is, and drawing the parallels of God adopting us as His children.

Many misconceptions about adoption exist, such as adoption being second best to having biological children; those ideas can keep families from welcoming precious children into their homes. Growing your family through adoption is just as amazing as having biological children; both are truly a great adventure.

Nikki: It’s important to understand closed versus open adoption.

Erik: With closed adoption, you have no contact with the birth mother; in a very open adoption, the birth mother may essentially be a part of your family with lots of interaction with parents and child.

Our adoption is somewhere in the middle: We don’t know many personal details about Zoe’s birth mother, though we do have contact a few times per year. We seek to involve her in big moments, sending short videos when possible through our contacts at Bethany. We’re going to try to meet up periodically, where she can spend time with Zoe and see how she’s doing beyond seeing photos.

Nikki: To support adoption, it’s a big deal if you can do what our church friends did when they ran the yard sale—start to finish. It took away a huge burden; I still get emotional thinking about it. It really helps the adoptive family know people are supporting them.

Erik: In a practical sense, adoption can be a long and expensive process. Any kind of financial support is vital. One event can make a big difference, as we saw when that yard sale brought in between $3-4,000.

Nikki: Dear friends of ours have welcomed foster kids into their home, which involves many meetings with counselors, caseworkers, potentially reconciling with family and so much paperwork. Our friends see this as an opportunity to minister the love of God both to kids and parents, who may then reconcile and reunite with their children.

If you know a family involved in foster care, make them a meal when you can, or volunteer to babysit their other children when a meeting comes up—with foster care, they often have little advance notice of schedule changes.

While ours was a private domestic infant adoption, families who grow through international adoption or foster care may face different challenges. The child may have emotional attachment issues, recurring nightmares or other trials to work through, so be aware and look for ways you can love them well.

We see an adoptive family sometimes and think, “Yay, they’re finally a family!” as if everything will be perfect right away. But becoming a healthy, functioning family is going to take work. Having friends who help with prayer and everyday tasks is really vital.

After 10 years on staff at The Heritage Foundation and Focus on the Family, Josh M. Shepherd currently serves in communications at Bound4LIFE International—a faith-based pro-life organization. He and his wife, Terri, reside in the Washington, D.C., area.

Reprinted with permission from Bound4LIFE.