Lisa Bevere: Are You Idolizing Yourself?
That about covered it. The voice continued: “You do not come to Me. You do not read My Word. You eat because it is easier.”
The still, small voice said: “You feel good about your self when you are thin and bad about your self when you are not. You are not Spirit led; your weight controls your moods and your life. It is an idol to you.”
It was all true. Weight dominated my thought life and tormented my rest. The tears flowed again, but this time they were tears of repentance. I saw how I’d drawn strength from my weight and not from God. I measured myself by the scales. I was worthy of love if I was thin, but I was not worthy if I was fat.
Once again the voice spoke: “If you’ll repent, I will heal your metabolism. Do not diet, and do not weigh yourself. Separate yourself and fast for three days on juices and water, and I will rid your body of its cravings. I will teach you how to eat again. Write down the weight you should be, and put it in your Bible.”
I no longer had any idea what my weight should be. I got very quiet and listened again. A figure floated into my head; I scribbled the number down and hid it in my Bible.
I got up, grabbed the scales and placed them in the attic access in my bedroom closet. God had told me not to weigh myself. I would have to climb up there to get the scales, knowing all the while that I was deliberately disobeying God.
The next day would begin a new way of life for me. I was not fasting to lose weight; I was fasting to fellowship with God. I sensed His presence, and I sensed that He was pleased with me for repenting and choosing to fast and draw closer to Him.
GOD SUSTAINS
For the next three days, I drank apple-strawberry juice, straight or diluted, along with purified water. God sustained me. I went for walks and talked with Him. Then the fast was over and it was time for me to learn a new lifestyle. I would eat until I was satisfied—not until I was engorged.
At mealtime I thanked God that food was not my enemy. It would bring strength to my body, and in turn, I would worship God. Fear would try to attack me. Gluttony would try to entice me. But I refused to be mastered by my passions any longer. Inwardly I would listen and know when I was satisfied. Then I would not eat another bite.
I was so excited that God was developing this sensitivity in me; I never wanted to disobey it. Even when my family and friends encouraged me to eat more, I would just say, “No, thank you; I am satisfied!”
Three weeks had passed, and my wedding was just a few days away. I had no idea how much I weighed, nor was I even interested. But I did need to know that my dress would fit, so I tried it on.
Not only did it fit—it hung a little loose! I would be able to wear my dress!
My wedding was wonderful, and when I came home to change into my going-away outfit, God stopped me. He said, “Now you can weigh yourself.”
I got the scales down and stepped on them. The needle teetered between 110 and 120 pounds. I jumped off the scale and flipped through my Bible until I found the small slip of paper with the scrawled number.
I opened up the paper. One hundred sixteen pounds! I jumped back on the scales in disbelief; it was my exact weight!
God has been faithful to keep me at that weight independent of diet and exercise. I have trusted Him to watch over my weight as long as I keep food in the proper place.
Reordering the disorder of your weight and tumbling the food idol isn’t about losing weight—it’s about what you place your trust in. I had humbled my self with fasting, and God had healed me.
Lisa Bevere is the best-selling author of books including Out of Control and Loving It!, The True Measure of a Woman and You Are Not What You Weigh, from which this article was adapted. Lisa and her husband, John, live in Colorado.
