Pornography: The Quiet Family Killer
The effects of porn on marriage are widespread and devastating. Researcher Patrick Fagan, Ph.D., completed a major study of pornography and called it a “quiet family killer.” His study found that 56 percent of divorces had one partner with an obsessive interest in porn.
On the average, 40 million Americans regularly view porn, and the overwhelming majority are men. That’s the admitted figure. I feel safe writing to you that I believe well over 90 percent of the men that will read this (including the one writing it) have viewed porn on the Internet. It’s a simple click away at all times.
It is the number-one temptation facing all adult men. If allowed to fester in our lives, porn slowly erodes not only our rational senses but also our very souls. A marriage is diseased when outside sexual influences work their way into it, and as those influences progress, the marriage falls deeper and deeper into despair.
This is a difficult topic for us to talk about. It’s one of those things that we prefer to keep silent. But the reason for this article is to teach us to strive to become better men. Something as treacherous as pornography undermines everything we try to achieve as husbands and fathers. With that in mind, let’s focus on the effects of porn on marriage:
1. True passion is nullified. Great marital sex has little to do with technique, stamina or experience. The genuine passion built up between two people in love connecting in the highest physical form of intimacy is what makes for great marital sex. This is difficult to achieve even without porn being introduced into the equation. Children, stress and busyness all take their toll on genuine passion. Pornography will outright destroy it. In studies, many women will say they don’t feel that their porn-addicted husband is truly present when they make love.
2. Ridiculous expectations. Porn is a multibillion-dollar per year industry. It has to be visually exciting and instantly grab your attention to be successful. It’s entertainment performed by actors. Just as your marriage and family life are much different than a 30-minute sitcom, the same applies with your sex life. When we fill our minds with the false images of porn, we naturally take those expectations with us to the bedroom. This leads to disappointment for the husband and a wife with a wrecked self-esteem.
3. The loss of trust and intimacy. Most, if not all, wives (if they are being honest), consider their husband viewing pornography as cheating. Another woman, even just her image, has been introduced into your relationship, and the wife now is having to compete with it. Continual viewing of porn will erode the trust built in your marriage until it is gone completely. Meanwhile, the ability to actually feel intimacy together will wear away at the exact same pace as the trust.
4. Creates shame and emptiness. A husband addicted to porn will justify his actions to himself. He’ll find blame to place on his wife or his life, but what he’s really trying to cover up is the shame he’s feeling. The best way to explain this is to imagine the best sex ever had with your wife and the euphoria that accompanied it afterward. Porn has no chance of ever producing that feeling. It’s not real, and it leaves a man feeling only shame and emptiness after the fact.
5. Progressively worse and unsatisfying. Addictions all work the same way. As they progress, you need more and intensified versions of your addiction. In time, no matter how much is consumed, that satisfied feeling that was felt in the beginning can never be reached.
A porn addict is no different than a drug addict, in that they are both desperately trying to find that high that keeps eluding them. In the end, the addict either will seek help or watch his life fall apart piece by piece.
There is hope in the resiliency of the soul. For the sake of all involved, shut the porn down. Seek help. Here is a place to start.
Source: Marriage Gems
Cuddle up with your wife tonight and ask her if she’s ever felt like you weren’t really present during sex.
Related Resource: 10 Ways to Fight Pornography
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