Why Marriage Is Not Just Between a Man and a Woman

When you hold your firstborn child, you immediately realize two things. First, you realize you are holding a miracle that God created. Secondly, you are keenly aware that this miracle needs to be protected by you.

I have been counseling couples for more than 20 years, and I have come to learn that just as each child is created by God and needs to be protected, equally so does each marriage. Healthy marriages are one of the greatest assets in God’s family and local ministry.

The Scripture state in Hosea 4:6 that “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” I remember the media asking one of the most bizarre questions in American history a few years back: Is marriage defined as between a man and a woman?

Christian leaders from all over jumped in. I believe they were still using secular definitions of marriage to answer a biblical issue when they said marriage is between a man and a woman, because marriage is not just between a man and a woman.

Most secularists believe marriage is between man and a woman. They also believe it’s something two people do together. Biblically, marriage was never between a man and a woman. Marriage from a biblical perspective is between God, a man and a woman. Marriage is something God has made, He created us to become one flesh.

In my book The Miracle of Marriage, I go into great detail explaining that God created man, then woman, and then He made His final creation in the garden, His masterpiece, marriage. Marriage, not woman, is the final act of creation.

God was creating us in His triune image. Understanding that there is the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, He also created a trinity on Earth: man, woman and Himself. This earthly trinity can multiply.

This earthly trinity is why the devil despises Christian marriage. This trinity on Earth is most like heaven; three beings in unity, serving and loving each other.

My marriage is a miracle; God did it, not me. God created marriage not just man or woman. This understanding of marriage makes it more centrally focused on God than just between man and woman.

Marriage is just like a miraculous baby. Protecting it often starts before birth. The mother exercises, eats better and takes vitamins and regularly goes to the doctor for a checkup. A marriage is conceived while two young people are dating or courting. Most churches are not proactive in helping this future marriage start off in the best manner during the conception of marriage.

I am surprised as I travel and speak at marriage, men’s, women’s, singles and pastors conferences that very few churches have clear expectations, boundaries and guidelines for dating/courting couples. Most churches have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy for them. So many sheep get damaged in this process of Christian dating, and it’s truly heartbreaking. Most families have guidelines for dating, but church families handle this conception stage in a less than acceptable manner.

One principle that can help a dating couple is to have an accountability couple. This couple meets twice a month to renew physical boundaries to make sure the couple is staying accountable to reach their goals of sexual purity. Couples with accountability during conception and the trimesters of their future marriage do much better. Most churches are awesome at the birthing stage of marriage. Seminaries are good at preparing us for this. Here, everyone is happy and celebrates the miracle of marriage.

When the church embraces the “ask and tell” policy, you will find couples staying sexually pure and unafraid to talk about issues that need to be addressed in the relationship. Treating this marriage as a trinity between a man, a woman and God can completely turn around the way we look at a marriage as a society.

Marriage is a miracle. Let’s treat it like one. {eoa}

Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, The Miracle of Marriage, 30-Day Marriage Makeover, Sex, Men and God, Intimacy and his latest, Worthy: Exercise and Step Book. You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, drdougweiss.com, by phone at 719-278-3708 or through email at [email protected].